RP For Newbies: Relationships

[Cordir]

Relationships within the context of your character can be incredibly rewarding and fun. They can also be a big old mess. I've had/done both.

Some things to remember:

- TFC is a 'family friendly' mud. That means no sex scenes / adult content via emote, say, gossip, shout, etc. (IE, no channel which can be heard by others). (I have known FLIs that allowed it when the two players were the only two on FTELL, but that's chancy and you take the risk of being 'walked in on' when another follower logs in.) (If one is creative, there are a variety of socials which can be used for various.. erm... tasks. <wink>) There's also something to be said for the wonderfully fun "unrequited love" which never actually gets anywhere physically. (think Ladyhawk, before the ending) I generally recommend that if you REALLY want to RP an adult situation with a fellow TFC character, that you take it off mud. However, that can lead to issue #2...

- The people on the other end of the screen are just that: people. Some can get deeply emotionally involved. It can affect their RL. Really intense, emotional, relationship RP can affect YOUR RL, too. I have hurt people deeply that I never wanted to harm, through relationship RP that got out of hand. {As a caveat, it can also be incredibly rewarding and wonderful - I've been with my husband, whom I met on TFC, for 10 years.} If you are in a RL relationship, and you want to have an RP relationship online... I strongly suggest you talk to your partner about it first. Some consider such relationships to be a form of infidelity.

- Relationship roleplay can have a negative ripple effect, in ways you never expect. For example: As Cordir, I was formally married on TFC twice: Once to a paladin named Keller and once to a vampire named Deamhan. The roleplay at the wedding to Keller actually caused quite a bit of consternation. He and I had _pre-arranged_ that at the wedding, Cordir (who was unaligned at the time) was going to be kidnapped by Molo, and "forced" join an evil following. It would end the relationship (which was our goal), provide lots of RP possibilities, and be a fun and spectacularly dramatic scene (Keller actually got to PK Cordir at the wedding to try and 'break the spell'). Unfortunately, we pulled it off a little TOO well. When Molo showed up and emoted a "Charm Person" spell, "commanded" me to worship him and I did so, people began to seriously freak out. They thought an Immortal really could force someone to worship them. The God+ staff got inundated with requests to undo the situation, punish Molo, etc. All because of some roleplay. (It also bit me in the butt when I petitioned for Immortality, but that's a whole other story.) So if you're going to do something REALLY dramatic... think it through, and if it's REALLY out there -- make sure a God+ knows in advance.

- Roleplaying intimate relationships can lead to roleplaying families growing... in one spectacularly overdone scene, a "pregnant" lady filled gossip, shout and yell with her delivery pains. Have some respect for others when you're roleplaying - folks had to turn off multiple channels to shut out her scene. Try and keep yours localized, using only says and emotes.

- Realize that if you're in an RP relationship, your enemies and theirs will enjoy twisting that cat's tail. I.E., attempting to PK your partner and taunt you with it, stealing wedding rings, etc. Emotions can quickly get inflamed in such a situation. (if you do get married, consider making your wedding rings something that does NOT have any "value"- ie, don't choose your +5 Damage ring to have restrung as a wedding ring. That pretty much guarantees you won't get it back. If the ring is non magical, it's more likely you might.)

- Also on the topic of weddings: Two full sets of restrung wedding clothes were made a couple years back for brides and grooms. They're available (by advance arrangement) by contacting Tokugawa, who holds them. [I know. I made them. They're purdy.]

- If you and your RP'd partner are in different followings, this can cause some strife and issue, if the followings (or alignments) are in conflict. This can really add to the RP, or make it miserable. Just go into it with your eyes open.

- Not all RP relationships are romantic ones. They can be family bonds, too. Clans, households, brother & sister, cousins, you name it.

Adding relationships to your character can be an awesome way to make them come to life. Just realize that it can go awesomely good, or awesomely bad, and not all of that is in your hands.

[Faile]

This is really hilarious stuff! It’s all true too. I’ve pretty much done it all with the exception of a screaming banshee having a baby. I can vouch for the truthfulness behind all these things.

It would be fun if people could post examples of their in-game relationships be it funny/tragic/sad.

[Whistler]

and, remember above all else: THIS IS JUST A GAME! Have Fun!

I've seen a number of players (and at least one moderator) in other games (Mud, Tabletop and Larps) that seem to have difficulty distinguishing what is happening in game with thier relationships in RL. Just because someone attacks you, or kisses you in character does not mean that that person wants to attack you or kiss you in RL. Part of the fun of roleplay is exploring the types of reactions your character elicits from others when they conform to the nature with which you've embued them.

Yes, antagonistic relationships can be fun to play--but have some reason for the antagonism. a character background can serve as a great place to define your characters prejudices and preferences. Do you hate me because I'm a halfling, because i'm a bard, or because you hate everyone? did i offend you in some way of which i am unaware?

Basically, if you find your several characters going after one player's several characters, you are either having a hard time separating between RL and game, or you have a personal vendetta against that player, not the character. either of these reasons suggests that you shouldn't be playing role playing games, and perhaps should seek professional help.

but, if you are sane, and adult enough to deal with these types of situations in an adult manner, you'll find that exploring antagonistic relationships can add immeasurably to your character definition. a 'freindly feud' can establish the conflict which is the basis of all stories--without conflict of some sort, any story becomes boring.

The 4 basic types of conflict are: man vs himself, man vs fate, man vs nature, and man vs man. While a 'freindly feud' may appear at surface level to be simply man vs man, it can also represent man vs himself and man vs fate- as one attempts to better themselves to overcome the conflict, and/or their predetermined destiny in the relationship.

Note that there is a very wide range that these types of relationships can represent. a particular class/race/social could do anything from mildly annoying you to sending you into a homicidal rage. This is of course assuming an anger reaction to those things. Your character could just as easily have a fear or love reaction to any one of those...for example, you may have noted the recent increase of vampire-philes in the movie viewing public.

In short, everything is relative. How your character relates to those around them is a major defining factor of who your character is. Conflict does not mean lifelong enmity, (unless you decide it does,) and can be a lot of fun to roleplay. and isnt that why we play games? to have fun?


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[Cordir]

er, um.. hey, can we step away from the "man vs Fate" thing?* You're makin' a girl nervous about coming back...


-C

PS: The post was great.


(* said tongue in cheek, obviously)

[Whistler]

[Lex]

"(* said tongue in cheek, obviously)"

What does that mean?

[Cordir]

"(* said tongue in cheek, obviously)"
What does that mean?

*smile* Glad to explain. It's an American slang phrase, and it means that the speaker is saying something in a "cheeky" fashion. Implications of teasing / playfulness / being silly, and warning the reader, 'Don't take this as if I'm speaking seriously.' Hope that helps


Wikipedia Entry: Tongue In Cheek

[Kaira]

Lex, try it! Put your tongue against your cheek. Doesn't that make you feel silly and playful?!

[Cordir]

You'd be surprised how far the ripples of fun RP can reach. I was browsing through logs and posts and remembered one I made a couple of years ago in the Fate Forum. Waaaaaay long ago, when I was a mortal member of the Black Conclave (MA:17-ish), I was briefly involved with a fellow named Gwyrdain. He eventually left the mud, and I went on to become an Immortal. Years later, he revisited, and I had an opportunity to take the thread of that ancient RP, and do something fun with it.

Post Date: July 25th, 2006
Post Subject: A Twist of Fate
From: Cordir

Chosen:

I write to you not as your leader, but one who would entreat a favor as a friend. There are times, within the great Pattern that structures our lives, that a binding of Threads together occurs. Destiny, Kismet, Fate, name it what you will. I have been deeply blessed to have been bound in this way to the lives of four others. Some you may know of from stories, others may be unknown to you. Some wounded me so greatly in their loss, that I do not speak of them. I write of one such bond, now.

In ancient times, while my aura was crimson and my oath given to Molo, a gentleman known as Gwyrdain and I courted. We were to have wed, but for the meddling of Sirak. It grieves me to but say his name.

Gwyrdain is returned to these lands, much changed. The veils of time have shadowed his memories, and he does not remember that I was ever a mortal, that we ever cared for one another, that we were to be wed. The days when I could, for the sake of that ancient caring, aid him directly are passed. Some say that memories define us as people: I have lost my own way through the mirror-maze of the mind, and come out the other side stronger for it.

I ramble – forgive me. This is a difficult thing to think upon. Too long, I shut these memories out, locked them away. A wound that never healed is torn open once more.

My entreaty is this: if, in the name of your friendship for me, you would be willing to grant any small aid to Gwyrdain, it would be a balm to me. Again, this is no command, but a heartfelt plea. If you should do so, give me word of your deeds, and I will reward them however I may. But, in all urgency, I ask this: Please do not relate to Gwyrdain that I have asked of you this favor. Let him remember in his own time, in his own way, if that is to be. I would not have him feel beholden in any manner.

Thank you all for considering this entreaty.

- Cordir

[Gwyrdain]

I feel like I want to respond to this IC -- but I didn't read it IC. I feel like I want to provide analysis and commentary -- but this is irrelevant to the readers of this forum. So, instead I will provide on-topic newbie advice on relationship RP.

Advice:
If you are an engineer (or similar), I do not recommend relationship RP. The emotional complexities involved are just too much for you to process and generate coherent responses to. Remember the automaton who was asked a paradoxical question and shortly thereafter exuded "products of combustion?" Enough said.

Disclaimer: I do not actually regret any of my own RP choices. I'm just warning you that it's not as simple and clear-cut as you might think.

[Kylor]

Whistler,

I read your donation to this threat and I want you to know that yes when I kiss you with my weapon in game then that does mean I really want to kiss you with a wrecking ball. muahahhah!!! (I kid, I have no heavy equipment)

[Cordir]

I certainly didn't mean to cause any distress or bring bad memories to the fore. My apologies.

[Gwyrdain]

The sad face was more of a wistful sad -- no distress or bad memories. Overall it was rewarding and worth the effort. If I regret anything, it would be failure to weave this into a compelling and (especially) a complete story arc.

I'm just saying it was complex and at times difficult to know how this character would... and therefore should respond to circumstances.

[Gwyrdain]

I like you Pein, but in this I cannot accede.

[Avarice]

K I clearly haven't bothered to get to the end of this thread, but........... Are people really sexin' on this Mud in 2011????? LOL if so?

[Cordir]

*chuckle* No. not 'sexing' as that's not been legal on TFC in.. well.. since when I was mortal. One *CAN* have a relationship without having relations. Just look at Corri and Cirth

[Whistler]

semi-nonsequitur: Chaste vs Celebate

The word Celebate is often misused today to mean one whom abstains from carnal relations, but this is not the words true meaning, nor is it the meaning of the word chaste. celebate really means 'unmarried' and when one takes a vow of celebacy, they are vowing not to marry. One can be celebate and have carnal relations. Chaste, by contrast, means one whom has carnal relations exclusively with their spouse. Therefore, one can be chaste, and not celebate--meaning they are true to their spouce if married and abstain if unmarried. when one vows both chastity and celebacy, then however, they are by definition vowing abstinence.

Similarly the word 'relations' seems to evoke images of carnal relations in todays world, even although the unqualifed word implies nothing of the sort. For example, If i purchase anything, then by doing so, i create a purveyor-customer relationship. the act creates a relationship by definition.

so there's all kinds of relationships, like even writer-reader. nothing in the word itself intimates intimacy, if you can relate, man.


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[Cordir]

I was working on a wiki post, which involves combing through old logs and got distracted by a bit of relationship RP that popped up in one of the files in my search list. I immediately had to read the rest of that storyline thread, pulling up log after log, and sat there reading with a dopey grin on my face. Gawd,that was fun. Not something I do any more, but... whew. Heady stuff.

[Cordir]

On the subject of relationship RP, since I'm bumping all my RP Advice threads today....
Here's a piece of trivia for you:

TFC's first* gay male couple was Saran and Typhon.
TFC's first* gay female couple was Zara and Alecto.

* To my extensive mud knowledge...

As a side note, same sex relationships have never been allowed to be consummated in a formal marriage ceremony on TFC.